3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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