I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
