I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Holy sore nipples Batman
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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