Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize