He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
