i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
