i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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