what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
