ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
