And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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