Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
