my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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