Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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