break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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