You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
