Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
