yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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