to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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