I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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