Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
