i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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