Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
