listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
