Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
