i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
