the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
