shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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