well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
