I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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