you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
