Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize