ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
