I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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