So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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