Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
