The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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