I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
