so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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