is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
