Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
