We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
