i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
