U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
