I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
