saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
my liver is dry heaving
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
