I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
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He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
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3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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