remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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