I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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