The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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