I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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