I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
