I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
