i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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