That's intense
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
