What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
