I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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