yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
