I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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