the condom got lost in my hair
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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