I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
