My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
