Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize