grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish you could order shots online.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
