walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
