The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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