I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize