this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
