that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
