Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
