Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
