it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
