I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
