Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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