bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
