He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
