my phone needs a breathalizer
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
