I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
