I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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