but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
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I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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