Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
