is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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