if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
