the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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