mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
