I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
