My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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