Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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