is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
