I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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