Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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