maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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