we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
