So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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